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Sunday February 01, 2015

The Government Gym

Written by Kerry Dulin

The Government Gym, a political satire by Kerry DulinI consider the article below a "Must Read". If you agree, please share with others.

The Government Gym

If you are saddled under heavy weights at the gym due to unethical trainers who allowed you to stack more plates on the bar than you knew that you could lift, then you are the victim of Predatory Plate Practice and you may be entitled to a government provided spot.

It began in the 1970’s when the Carter administration enacted the “Fair Weight Lifting Act” (FWLA) which stated that gyms had to allow access to the free weight section of their training area to people regardless of their ability to physically lift the weights.

Though the FWLA had an immediate impact on how gyms do business, it was the Clinton administration that gave it teeth in the 1990’s by forcing gyms to comply with the provisions of the FWLA or they would face heavy government imposed fines.

After all, it was only fair that people who were not as strong as well trained athletes are allowed access to the American dream, to look strong under a bar stacked with so many plates that only an experienced athlete could lift it.

Two government sponsored institutions were formed to assist people in stacking massive weights on the bar and then taking their smiling pictures as they sat under the heavy load. These were Fanny Butt and Freddy Gut.

It was a great time during which gym memberships skyrocketed. Because gym membership was in such high demand, membership prices rose steadily and consistently. As a result, many people bought gym memberships as investments, never actually intending to lift weights, but to resell their membership at a higher price.

But there were consistent rumors however that the entire gym system was in jeopardy due to the number of people who couldn’t actually lift the weight that they were under. Congressman Barney Frank and others in his party vehemently defended the practices of Fanny Butt and Freddy Gut stating that these institutions were solvent and in no danger of collapsing under the accumulated weight from gyms all across the country. In fact, because these were government sponsored institutions, the people who were under these heavy weights were actually as strong as the government itself.

But as sure as the law of gravity, the collapse was inevitable and before long, people were being crushed under weights that they did not have the strength to lift. As a result, gym owners began to evict these members so that they could begin selling memberships to people who could actually lift weights.

As gym memberships went into default and members were evicted, Fanny Butt and Freddy Gut also began to implode under the enormous egos of the people who ran them.

It then became a crisis of governmental proportion that only government could solve. Fanny’s Butt and Freddy’s Gut were too big to collapse because the stench of their collective downfall would make the rest of the country smell like yesterdays gym socks.

Never missing an opportunity to blame others, Barney Frank and party blamed the crisis on “The failed policies of the Bush administration” and began to repeat that mantra like stuttering parrots on speed. As a matter of convenience, everything from global warming to the price of gas was due to “The failed policies of the Bush administration”. Because celebrities have such simple minds, they hypnotically began chanting the mantra as well and before long, the entire country was in tune. Heck, I think I’ll take a moment to say it myself now,,,,,, “The failed policies of the Bush administration”. Wow, I suddenly feel as if I’m no longer responsible for my own shortcomings, I can just blame “The failed policies of the Bush administration”.

Anyway, back to our story. The stage was set for the advent of Barack Hope Obama who rose to power because of his uncanny ability to articulate the mantra so well. He preached a message of HOPE and “The failed policies of the Bush administration”. Shortly after his inauguration however, his message changed from one of HOPE to CRISIS.

“The inability of people to lift weights is a CRISIS OF CATASTROPHIC PROPORTIONS THAT ONLYI Owe, I Owe GOVERNMENT CAN SOLVE”. He and party leaders Pelosi, Frank, Reed and others then drafted “The Government Solution” which requires that we all “Spread The Strength”. Regardless of how long you have trained, or how careful you have been to avoid injury, if you are strong then you must assist others in lifting their weights also, regardless of how much weight they have stacked on the bar. In fact, “THE GOVERNMENT SOLUTION” is of such dramatic scale that it even requires your grandchildren who may not even be born yet to assist others in lifting their weight.

There were a few gyms in other countries that applied this philosophy by forcing members to sign a statement in which the small print read “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need”. The problem was that the members never became any stronger because no matter how much weight they lifted for themselves, they still had to assist others in lifting their weights also. The strong became exhausted and before long, it was impossible to tell the weak from the strong. Even though the members were no longer happy or making gains, the gym owners forced them to continue to pay their dues. In fact, members were not even allowed to leave the gym at all. The gym took over their schools, health care and even their jobs.

Now our own government is taking over our gyms and telling us how much weight we can lift. In fact, if you are stronger than others, the government will now come into your gym and take plates off of your rack, place those weights on someone else’s bar and then force you to help them lift it.

Time is running out, the government is taking over the gym and you are about to become the perpetual spotter for those who willingly accepted the governments “Predatory Plating Practice”.

What happens next is up to you, it always has been. If you feel powerless, then you are. If you feel strong, then act that way. Do what strong people do, take action, get involved, do something.

Yes, change is coming, but is it the change that you expected? If not, there is little time left.

Are you still strong? Prove it!

Kerry Dulin

Natural Bodybuilding at its Finest, Lift for

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